member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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