it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
