apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
