meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
soo... how was my night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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