Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
