I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
