so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
