The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
