Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize