maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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