dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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