He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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