I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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