I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
