We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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