she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
