i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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