Porn is love you can see.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
