He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
