This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
