I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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