On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
