38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
