i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
