So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
