The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize