somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize