ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
