she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
