I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
