I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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