she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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