the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
