he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
