You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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