is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
