PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
