Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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