whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
