Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
