elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
