On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
