i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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