The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
