is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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