So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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