Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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