The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
