from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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