she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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