Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's blow job season.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
