Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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