She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
