I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
