hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
