Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How external is "for external use only"?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
