totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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