I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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