Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
