if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
