Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
