There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
