My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
