You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
