areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
