dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
