a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
