Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
