I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
