Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
