if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
