More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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