I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
