is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
