I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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