I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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