No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
