suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
