in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
